Divorce is often an emotionally draining process, and while it’s common to focus on the emotional turmoil of separating from a spouse, it’s also critical to consider the practical aspects of the divorce itself. Divorce mediation has become a widely used method of resolving disputes between separating spouses. Mediation allows couples to reach agreements on their own terms rather than having a judge make decisions for them. This collaborative approach helps minimize the emotional cost and often leads to better long-term results.
In this blog post, we will provide a comprehensive divorce mediation checklist—explaining what to expect during mediation and how to best prepare for it. Whether you’re about to go through mediation or simply want to understand the process, this post will give you the tools you need to navigate this important step in your divorce.
What Is Divorce Mediation?
Before diving into what to expect and how to prepare, let’s define what divorce mediation is. Divorce mediation is a voluntary process in which a neutral third-party mediator helps a divorcing couple reach agreements on various issues related to their separation. These issues may include division of property, child custody, child support, maintenance, and other financial matters. The goal is to reach a mutually satisfactory resolution that both spouses can live with, without the need for court intervention.
Mediation tends to be a more peaceful and less costly alternative to traditional divorce litigation. It encourages open communication and cooperation between spouses, which is particularly beneficial if there are children involved. Importantly, any agreements made during mediation are legally binding once they’re formalized by the court.
Key Benefits of Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation offers several advantages over traditional divorce litigation, including:
- Cost-Effective: Mediation is often less expensive than going to court. Legal fees for mediation are typically lower since both spouses work together, which reduces the amount of time and resources spent on the divorce process.
- Faster Process: Mediation can be completed in a fraction of the time it takes to go through litigation. Court schedules are often backed up, which can delay the process significantly. Mediation, on the other hand, can usually be scheduled at a time that works for both parties and the mediator.
- Control Over the Outcome: Unlike litigation, where a judge makes decisions, mediation allows the couple to maintain control over the terms of their divorce. This can result in more personalized and satisfactory agreements.
- Confidentiality: Mediation is private, meaning that discussions are not open to the public, unlike court hearings. This ensures that sensitive issues are kept confidential.
- Less Conflict: Since mediation encourages cooperation, it can reduce the amount of conflict between spouses. This can be especially important when there are children involved, as it sets a tone for future co-parenting.
What to Expect During Divorce Mediation
Now that we understand what divorce mediation is and its benefits, let’s discuss what you can expect during the process. Mediation is usually structured and follows a set process. While every mediator and case are different, the following provides a general overview.
1. Initial Consultation
The first step in the mediation process is an initial consultation, which is typically with the mediator alone or with both spouses present. During this session, the mediator will explain how the process works, answer any questions you have, and help you understand the role of the mediator. The mediator will also discuss the issues that will need to be resolved during the divorce process, such as property division, child custody, child support, and maintenance. At this point, the mediator may request that you provide relevant financial information and other documentation, such as income, tax returns, or property deeds.
2. Gathering Information
Before mediation begins in earnest, both spouses should provide financial and other relevant information. This will include income statements, tax returns, and documentation regarding assets, debts, and other financial matters. This step is critical because both spouses need a clear understanding of the financial situation before they can make informed decisions about how to divide their assets and liabilities. If there are children involved, both spouses may also need to provide information about the children’s needs and any current arrangements regarding physical custody.
3. The Mediation Sessions
Mediation typically takes place over a series of sessions. The length and number of these sessions will depend on the complexity of the issues and the willingness of both spouses to negotiate. Each session usually involves the mediator facilitating discussions between the two spouses. The mediator is neutral and does not make decisions for you, but helps guide the conversation, ensuring that both spouses are heard and that the process remains respectful and productive. The mediator will often ask both spouses to state their goals, and then work with them to identify common ground. The mediator may also provide suggestions and creative solutions to help resolve disagreements. The sessions are typically structured to cover specific topics one at a time, such as:
- Property Division: The division of marital property (e.g., house, car, bank accounts, etc.) is often one of the most complex issues in divorce. Mediation provides an opportunity to negotiate how property will be divided.
- Child Custody: If children are involved, determining legal and physical custody along with parenting time schedules is essential. The mediator can help create a parenting plan that is in the best interests of the children.
- Maintenance (Spousal Support): If one spouse is entitled to maintenance (what other states may call alimony), mediation will help determine the amount and duration of support.
- Child Support: The mediator may also help both spouses calculate child support based on income and the needs of the children.
The mediator may recommend taking breaks or allowing time for private discussions between each spouse and their attorney, if applicable. After each session, the mediator may summarize any agreements made and outline the next steps.
4. Final Agreement
Once all issues have been resolved, the mediator will help both parties draft a final agreement. This agreement will be a comprehensive document outlining all terms of the divorce, including property division, child custody, child support, maintenance, and any other matters. It’s important that both spouses carefully review the agreement to ensure they fully understand it and are comfortable with its terms. Either spouse may consult with an attorney before signing the agreement to ensure it is fair and legally sound. Once the agreement is signed, the mediator will recommend the spouses to an attorney to file the documents with the court for approval as an uncontested divorce. The judge will typically approve the agreement unless there are concerns about its fairness or legality.
How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation
Effective preparation is crucial for ensuring that divorce mediation goes smoothly and leads to a satisfactory resolution. Here’s a checklist of steps to help you prepare for mediation:
1. Get Organized
Before mediation begins, organize all relevant financial documents, including:
- Income statements (pay stubs, tax returns)
- Bank and credit card statements
- Mortgage documents and property deeds
- Retirement account statements
- Debts (e.g., loans, credit card balances)
- Insurance policies
- Any other financial documents related to assets or liabilities
Make sure you have a clear understanding of the financial situation so you can discuss property division and spousal support.
2. Identify Your Goals and Priorities
Think about your goals for the mediation process. What do you want to achieve? What are your priorities? For example, if you have children, your top priority may be creating a custody arrangement that serves their best interests. If financial concerns are important to you, you may focus on ensuring that the division of property and the amount of maintenance is fair. Understanding what matters most to you will help guide the mediation process and ensure that you stay focused on your objectives.
3. Keep an Open Mind
Divorce mediation is a negotiation process, and it requires a willingness to compromise. You may not get everything you want, but it’s important to approach mediation with an open mind and a willingness to work with your spouse to find a mutually acceptable solution. The goal is to reach an agreement that both spouses can live with, even if it’s not a perfect solution for either spouse.
4. Consider Consulting with an Attorney
Although mediation is designed to be collaborative, it can still be beneficial to consult with an attorney before and after the mediation process. An attorney can help you understand your rights and provide advice on what to expect. You may choose to have your attorney present during the mediation sessions or simply consult with them between sessions to review proposed agreements and ensure your best interests are protected.
5. Focus on Communication
Mediation is an opportunity to communicate openly with your spouse in a neutral environment. During the sessions, stay calm and focused on resolving issues constructively. Avoid getting into heated arguments or blaming each other. Keep the conversation solution-oriented and respectful.
6. Be Prepared to Make Compromises
Mediation requires both spouses to be flexible and willing to compromise. There may be areas where you have to give a little to reach an agreement. Keep in mind that mediation is about finding a balance that both spouses can agree to, rather than “winning” the divorce.
7. Stay Patient
Divorce mediation can take time. Be patient with the process and with your spouse. It may take multiple sessions to resolve all issues, especially if there are complex financial matters or contentious custody arrangements.
Divorce mediation is a powerful tool that allows couples to control their divorce outcome while minimizing conflict and stress. By understanding the process, knowing what to expect, and adequately preparing, you can maximize the benefits of mediation and work toward a resolution that aligns with your goals and priorities. Remember, the key to successful divorce mediation lies in clear communication, flexibility, and a willingness to work together for a fair resolution. By following this checklist and staying organized, you’ll be better prepared to navigate the divorce mediation process with confidence and understanding.
Should you need the assistance of an experienced divorce mediator in Creve Coeur, St. Charles, and O’Fallon or have questions about your divorce situation, know that we are here to help and ready to discuss those questions with you.